Today is baseball's Opening Day...sort of.

The Oakland Athletics and the Seattle Mariners played two games in Japan last week, and there's only one game today. Everyone else starts over the next few days. Whatever. Let's just say we're in the midst of baseball's opening fortnight.

Today's game is between the St. Louis Cardinals and the newly re-branded Miami Marlins. Before this season, they were known as the Florida Marlins.

There are probably many reasons for the change...they're moving into a new ballpark, they want to make some money off a new logo...but maybe the biggest reason is to ESCAPE CREED SINGER SCOTT STAPP.

Two years ago, Scott hurled himself into Florida Marlins lore by recording an ANTHEM for the team called 'Marlins Will Soar'. It was a re-worked version of his 2005 song, 'You Will Soar' and it's the worst sports song ever made.

The new lyrics include a bunch of baseball terms, which are incoherently mashed together. And the song came with a video that's equally bad-slash-hilarious.

Take a look:

Here are the lyrics:


"Let's play ball, it's game day

We want strikeouts, base hits, double plays

Take the field, hear the roar of the crowd

Come on Marlins, make us proud

Come on Marlins, make us proud.

"Keep hoping and dreaming and you will soar

With a little faith and luck, you will soar.

"One strike, two strikes, swing away

A diving catch, a stolen base

A perfect game, a triple play

Another playoff race...YES!

World Series champs, we'll be.

"Keep hoping and dreaming and you will soar

With a little faith and luck, you will soar."

By the way, this theme song wasn't the only thing Scott did to terrorize Marlins fans in 2010. For some reason, he was also invited to perform the National Anthem at their home opener. It wasn't good either, of course.