I am a Star Wars Fan, so let me clarify the above headline.


There. I feel better. (Takes swig of blue milk.)

A little history. I first saw Star Wars at a drive-in theater in 1977, before most of today's Star Wars fans were even born. I was 10 years old, and it changed my life.

I saw The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi on their opening days, skipping school to see the latter. I owned the VHS tapes (pre-Lucas screwing with them), and eschewed the Special Editions. I may be old-school, but anything after the original three was not worthy of my interest. How old-school Star Wars am I? This hangs proudly in my home:

Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

O.G. Star Wars.

I waited with anticipation and was supremely disappointed by the 'Moody Teenager Anakin Skywalker' prequel movies. And no one, ever, needed Jar Jar Binks.

Then, George Lucas cashed out and sold the franchise to Disney, which brought us The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi, and I'm Sick of Kylo Ren Already. None of these were necessary in my mind, and that includes Solo and Rogue One, et al.

How much do people love those new movies? You can tell by how many wind up in the used DVD bin.

Image-Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

Now we have Disney Plus deciding that it's time to prostitute the Star Wars Saga once more to drive memberships to their new offering by bringing us "Not Another Boba Fett," AKA The Mandalorian.

I do not have Disney Plus since I also spend enough money on Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, YouTube TV, food, clothing, gasoline, and shelter. The ONLY reason I'd get it is for The Simpsons. (The first 12 seasons. Again, everything after that was crap.)

But Disney decided to dress up an uninteresting lead character in "Mando" by adding what they do best: a freaking plush toy.

Good Morning America
Good Morning America


But the thing is, the Johnny-come-lately Star Wars fans have totally gone bonkers for the show and Baby Yoda. So much so, that there are even Facebook Groups devoted to The Child:

Screenshot: Lance Ballance-Facebook


That's the entire plot line of The Mandalorian. I can tell.

FULL DISCLOSURE: For those ready to torch me over the fact that I am complaining about something that I haven't seen, I actually have seen an episode of The Mandalorian. Two of them, in fact. I fell asleep during the 3rd one, which is all I needed to pass judgment.

So, no, I don't care about The Mandalorian or Baby Yoda. Since I have no intention of paying for Disney Plus, if you want me to change my mind, give me your login info for Disney Plus so I can watch it and give it a second chance.

Change my mind, and May The Force Be With You.

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