Fact: Lubbock Is Absolutely the Worst Place on Earth When It Rains

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We need the rain. Oh God, do we need the rain!

But when the Great Spaghetti Monster finally does bring life giving liquid from the sky, Lubbock turns into a slightly less hellish version of Oregon, which means it's the absolute WORST PLACE ON EARTH.

To slightly misquote Tom Jones: "In Lubbock, It's not unusual to flood most everywhere..."

I can't tell you how many times on my way into work I see people slamming on their brakes before plunging straight on into standing water on literally every single street in Lubbock. I observed the surging Stage 3 rapids of the Mighty Quaker and Milwaukee Rivers. Seeing people avoid the right lane like it was a Texas Tech fan in Norman, Oklahoma was a sight to behold. Lanes become unpassable, because the city is based on a simple principle that our playa lakes have a greater purpose than simply hiding bodies. (Narrator: they do not.) The water is simply going to fill those suckers up and back up into the streets. It's science.

Plus, in areas where there is no convenient playa lake we still lack this simple, quaint invention known as DRAINAGE. It's quite an invention, we should look into it.

If you've lived here for any length of time, you know how it gets here, so the flooding shouldn't be much of a shock. That being said, it still sucks and we can do better. Oh, and don't fly through those puddles when you come upon them because I'm going to laugh my arse off if you stall your '87 Sentra in one thinking that you're Aquaman.