The Crimes The Lubbock Heat Should Be Charged With

The heat in Lubbock commits some pretty horrific offenses each summer. Yet, somehow, it always gets away with it...

I think it's about time we press charges.

CRIMES THE LUBBOCK HEAT SHOULD BE CHARGED WITH

Attempted Murder

a group of people standing next to a yellow police line

This one is a given.

Assault With A Deadly Seatbelt Buckle

orange and white belt on black leather seat

That thing has the power of a cattle brand in the summer.

Destruction of Property

A melting smiley face on a creamy background.

Ever leave a cheap pair of sunglasses on your dash?

False Imprisonment

grayscale photo of person in black leather jacket

Being cooped up inside, day after day, just to avoid the heat...when you really wanted to enjoy your patio.

Emotional Distress

a woman covering her face with her hands

All that time stuck indoors, avoiding the sun, must be worth some financial compensation. Mama needs a new swimming pool!

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Grand Theft Electricity

silhouette of electric post during sunset

The A/C is working overtime. Money is being siphoned directly from your wallet 24/7.

Harrassment

woman in white tank top covering face with her hands

The sun just won't give up. It follows you. There is simply no escaping it. Find a piece of shade? Won't last long. Just you wait. The sun will find you again.

Conspiracy

silver foil on white ceramic plate

Why does it suddenly feel 10 degrees hotter when you have to be somewhere important? I'M ONTO YOU, WEATHER!

The Sentence?

brown wooden tool on white surface

The verdict is more than obvious. The Lubbock heat has been found guilty on all counts and sentenced to three straight days in the low 80s, accompanied by a light breeze, cloudy skies, and just enough rain to make the city smell nice. Not enough to flood the road.

That's justice, as far as I'm concerned.

(I was going to go with the death penalty, so the weather is really getting off pretty easy...) 

Keep scrolling for more silly Lubbock fun in the galleries below!