Shortage of Life-Sustaining Drink Is Proof the COVID-19 Pandemic Is No Hoax

Y'all, I am done messing around. This has gone far enough.

It's bad enough that we went nearly an entire month consumed with worry about with what we might stoop to wipe our butts when the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 happened back in March.

The sun might as well have disappeared from the sky when threats of a bacon shortage loomed due to coronavirus impacts. (Who needs the sun if we can't have any bacon?!) And now this.

Dr Pepper says that their supplies are limited, and that finding your favorite flavor of Texas pride in a can may be a challenge.

WHAT?! THIS IS TEXAS! THIS IS AMERICA!!

If we can't take a stroll into our favorite soda shop and get some Dr Pep with that vanilla step, then what on earth are we doing sitting around and not getting serious about this pandemic?

NEXT: Win cool stuff from our VIP club

This virus is for real, and a Dr Pepper shortage is unacceptable, even in post-apocalyptic America. A little virus can't keep the Dr down, and we shouldn't let it happen if we are real Texans.

Dr Pepper shortage? What a mess!

Speaking of mess, Charmin knows it's well past time to spit or get off the pot... if you smell what I'm steppin' in.

Get it together, Texas. If this doesn't wake you up, nothing will.

(By the way...have you tried the new Dr Pepper & Cream Soda flavor? If not, you really should. Actually, no, you really should not. Because it's so gross, and I'll do everyone a solid and drink whatever supply of Dr Pepper & Cream Soda flavor that may be found. I'll do it for our country and keep masking up for Dr Pepper and all of Texas.)