The 5 Types of Drivers You Find in Lubbock

We've all experienced it. We're humming along in the left lane (allegedly, the 'fast' lane), when we see someone ahead who's license plate is suddenly getting VERY clear and close. Before you know it, you're hitting your brakes to avoid this person, who's decided that the left lane is going to be their own personal fountain of zen, as they drive no less than 15 miles per hour under the speed limit.

Usually, they are planning on turning left (in about four stoplights), or simply don't want to have their buzz harshed by having to slow down repeatedly by drivers who are turning right. So they take up valuable left lane real estate to keep you from reaching your appointment on time.

Here in West Texas, we LOVE our trucks. And, like the saying goes, "everything is bigger in Texas." That includes pickup trucks. Usually, it's a 9-foot tall behemoth with a lift kit, gigantic tires, a chrome "TEXAS EDITION" emblem on the side and no sign of ever being driven in any kind of off-road setting.

The drivers of these overcompensation machines are usually wearing either a cowboy hat or a three-piece suit (or both) and make sure that they take up no less than four spaces as they park in front of Sprout's to grab their kale salad.

I'm sure this isn't unique to Lubbock, but I sure have noticed it a lot more than I did before I moved here.

Generally, it's someone so engrossed in their state of automotive bliss (see: the Left Lane Turtle) that they suddenly realize that their destination is coming up on the right. As in, right now. So, they pull a Ricky Bobby and make that two-lane drift, cutting off anyone in their path, and blasting into the driveway of Whataburger.

I mean, really? If you missed this Whataburger, it's not like their isn't another one just two blocks away, right?

We can't stress this enough. If you're driving, STAY OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE. However, more often than not, the Left Lane Turtle and Last-Minute Merger are also this person.

They're checking out how many likes their cute cat meme has while they blow through the stoplight at 98th and Milwaukee (no joke, I actually saw that happen). Trust me, that snarky comment you're about to make on Facebook can wait until your Oldsmobuick is safely parked.

Now, I've been accused of exactly this same faux pas, yet I've mastered the art. So, amateurs, don't try this at home. Or in your car.

Most people, however, will try to steer and stuff their face at the same time, which causes them to slow down or get just distracted enough to swerve into your lane, causing you to drop the Double Chili Cheeseburger that you've been scarfing on your way to Levelland.