Casting the ‘Fast Food Movie’

On Monday, the world was stunned, delighted and rescued with the news that Mario-FREAKING-Lopez was starring as Colonel Sanders in a new Lifetime mini-movie called A Recipe for Seduction.

No, this is not a joke.

No....seriously. It's NOT A JOKE. Don't believe us? Check out the trailer below:

Yeah...we're swooning in a mixture of 11 herbs and spices as well.

Of course, this got us thinking that they really, seriously need to make more of these types of fast food films. Which means that it's time to fantasy cast the roles of the major players in the fast food world.

WENDY'S: Amy Adams as "Wendy"

She's got the look, the charm, and pretty much anyone would want to share a Baconator with her.

BURGER KING: George Clooney as "The King"

If anyone is Hollywood Royalty, it's George Clooney. A true WHOPPER of a celebrity (see what we did there?) Besides, look at how regal he appeared in a campaign for Nespresso.

MCDONALD'S: Tim Curry as "Evil Ronald McDonald"

This film would be a Jekyll & Hyde look at the iconic clown after years in the spotlight and his murderous alter ego. Curry has played a similar role as Pennywise in the IT mini-series, so we're sure he has a fright wig and the makeup somewhere in his house.

FIVE GUYS BURGERS AND FRIES: Adam Sandler, David Spade, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, and Chris Rock

It could be yet another remake of Grown-Ups, where the guys quit their jobs, buy a Five Guys Franchise, and somehow find a way to be even more insufferable by immediately dubbing themselves "The Five Guys," drawing the ire of the parent company. This one goes straight to Netflix.

SLIM CHICKENS: Slim Pickens as "Slim"

This is getting silly since Slim Pickens is dead. Let's move on...

LONG JOHN SILVER'S: Johnny Depp

Captain Jack Sparrow searches for his long-lost brother, Long John Silver, and stumbles onto a treasure recipe for breaded seafood and hush puppies. He opens up a franchise and partners with Orlando Bloom.

As you can see, there are lots of ideas that Hollywood is free to steal. Call my agent. We'll do lunch.