Dear Lubbock: I’ll Water My Lawn Anytime I Darn Well Please

THANK YOU, Greta!

Even though it's April Fool's Day, this isn't funny. The City of Lubbock is now playing Big Brother and telling citizens exactly when they can water their lawns, because something something planet something drought something.

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According to our sister station (who is transitioning into our brother station), depending on your address, you will only be allowed to water on two specific days of the week.

From a City of Lubbock press release:

Irrigate landscape only during two assigned days per week year-round

•  Irrigation schedules are based on the last digit of the house address:

Addresses ending in 0, 3, 4, or 9 – Monday and Thursday

Addresses ending in 1, 5, or 6 - Tuesday and Friday

Addresses ending in 2, 7, or 8 – Wednesday & Saturday

• On your scheduled watering days, irrigation is allowed from midnight to 10:00 a.m., and from 6:00 p.m. to midnight.
• Irrigate less than 1.5 inches per zone per week

 

DONNNNNNN'T CARRRRRRRRE.

According to Water Fauci, I can only water on Wednesday and Saturday, and no one can water on Sunday because that's the Lord's water.

As long as I'm paying my water bill, I'll use as much as I want, and whenever I want. I mean, are they going to monitor what happens INSIDE my house as well? Because I'll build an infinity shower that dumps excess water into a koi pond that drains into my neighbor's dog dish, just to piss you off. Or, I'm going to install a swimming pool, fill it, DRAIN it, and REFILL IT EVERY DAMN DAY, because I can.

Texas is a freedom loving state, and since my lawn looks like shredded wheat, this is a hard pass for me. I mean, this is the kind of stuff that they'd pull in the People's Republic of California.

Unless they have city patrols that are going to drive the streets just to monitor water usage, this is pointless. However, if they do have water monitor teams, that sounds like a waste of taxpayer dollars, to me. The Water Cops are coming!

So, no. I'll let the river run in my yard, thankyouverymuch.