And now, it's time for another episode of America's Favorite Program:


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When last we left our intrepid hero, he was complaining loudly about all of the dust that Lubbock enjoys on a near constant basis.

Now, he turns his attention to another source of frustration that pains him regularly in his quiet, master planned, suburban Lubbock sub-division.


The MORONS who don't know proper dumpster etiquette. 


Last week, I was doing my part by throwing out some old whiskey bottles and a half-eaten breakfast burrito, when I saw that my rocket scientist neighbors decided to completely obliterate any chance of actual garbage being thrown out, by placing this abomination in our communal dumpster.

Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media

Yep, with no further effort, or thought about who else may need to discard items, they placed a giant box, in the FRONT of the dumpster. Now, as you can see in exhibit "A", the dumpster has a lid which can open the dumpster fully, which would allow Stephen Hawking to place the box in the BACK, so that people can still throw trash out in front of it. Nope. Not happening.


Plus, not only did they toss out Boxasaurus without breaking it down one iota, they had also placed several other boxes UNDER it, which only made the box appear even taller. These boxes were also completely intact, as if someone just said "F- my neighbors and their trash."


At that point, I resorted to an old skill which I forgot that I was good at. Dumpster Diving.


I lifted Boxzilla out, and opened the back lid, and repositioned that box towards the back. Then, I looked at the intact boxes that littered the bottom of the bin, and noticed a stunning coincidence:


They all had the offender's NAME and ADDRESS on them! And they MATCHED the giant box that first brough this unnecessary attention. So now, I know EXACTLY who the inconsiderate buffoon was, and where they reside. Which is precisely what they DON'T want: my undivided attention.


So now, I spend my days contemplating the ultimate revenge on this boxing butthead. I've already ruled out arson, so that takes me of the fun out if it. Perhaps a giant chemical burn in their front lawn that spells out "IDIOT"? Or, this sign should do it:




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