Thank God for the Junk Mail folder. Otherwise, I'd be totally suckered in.

Oh, wait -- no, I wouldn't. Because I'm not an idiot.

I really only get phone calls from half a dozen people, all of whom are in the contacts in my phone. So I always know it is. That includes text messages as well. It seems like lately, I'm getting a lot more random calls from numbers that I do not recognize.

Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

Like the two above from this past weekend. Now, I have a few friends in the People's Republic of California. However, I'm pretty sure that my big Hollywood break isn't coming at noon on a Saturday, or in an unsolicited phone call. Try again, pal.

Of course, that's child's play compared to the barrage of spam emails that I get each day here at the Greater Lubbock Mecca of Broadcasting Complex. Apparently, just answering one of these could be my ticket to fortune.

Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

Looks totally legit.

I'm not entirely sure what part of this email sent my spider senses into overdrive. Perhaps it was the fact that the "sender" said they they were the "fortune of Walmart."  Perhaps it's reminiscent of the plot of the The Jewel of the Nile, which was a crappy sequel to Romancing the Stone.

In it, the main characters think they're looking for another piece of treasure, when in essence, a wise religious figure is considered the Jewel of the....ahhh, screw it. Just look at the Wikipedia for yourself. (Editor's Note: At least we got that cool Billy Ocean song on the soundtrack, "When The Going Gets Tough," but we digress.)

Anyway, we're pretty sure that the return email address is a dead giveaway to the fact that this is a scam as well. Goodness knows how many legitimate emails I get each day from domains that have more consonants than vowels. Plus, ".br" means that it was based in Brazil. So, unless the "Fortune of Walmart" has a vacation home in Sao Paulo, I question the validity.

The bottom line, kids, is that you should never answer a number you don't recognize, and the "Fortune of Walmart" is really somewhere on aisle 6, next to the snow tires and frozen waffles.

Now, enjoy some Billy Ocean from The Jewel of the Nile, now available on Netflix.

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